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By Chandrama Anderson

Valentine's Day: Pressure for Perfection

Uploaded: Feb 14, 2014

Valentine's Day is supposed to be about love and romance. It may be great pressure for gift buying and giving, and for doing things for your beloved.

In the construct of The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, Valentine's Day is good for those whose Love language is Gifts or Acts of Service. If your Love Language is Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, or Touch, maybe not so much (although a good card and good time at dinner may count).

I am, of course, a proponent of love, and showing love to each other. I'm not so much a proponent of showing love on a schedule, or having pressure to buy things. I was especially dismayed to see a jewelry ad during the holidays where a young boy was out buying jewelry for his mom while dad flashed a credit card in the background. Most moms would've been happy with a sweet token, handmade by her son.

I see the pressure of Valentine's Day as missing the essential point. How do you give love to the person you know and care about in the way s/he receives it -- every day, all year long?

Valentine's celebrations are lovely and appreciated. Yet if you ignore one another and pay attention to your devices most days, or work long hours and barely have energy for one another, or run from one activity to the next and put everyone and everything as a higher priority than each other, then Valentine's Day is showy, but perhaps a bit empty. It may even be a let down.

Here's my advice, and you can take it or leave it: Go to the online test for The 5 Love Languages and take the test ( Based on the results, think of three things you can say or do for your beloved -- every week -- between now and next Valentine's Day, that will let him know you love him, that will make her feel she is your chosen love, and see how your relationship improves.

Here's a toast to love. Cheers!