Premarital and Couples: ". . . Then it’s all downhill from there.” | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Premarital and Couples: ". . . Then it’s all downhill from there.”

Uploaded: Jul 30, 2021
“Some people put more effort and money into the wedding day than they do into their marriage itself. Then it’s all downhill from there.”
- Sam Torode

Just as you take your car in for maintenance and tune-ups, it’s critical to do maintenance and tune-ups on your marriage. Every couple needs to work on their marriage after saying “I do”. Otherwise, you might find yourself in the land of “I don’t”.

Many of my clients come in because they feel disconnected from one another. Their communication is suffering. Their sex life is suffering. There’s a lot of bickering and arguing. I’m certain those things were not in your wedding vows.
What was in your wedding vows? Please go find them and look at them together. See where you are living up to those vows. And painfully, notice where you are not.

Make a plan to address the areas that you’re not meeting in your vows. Be kind to yourselves and each other in this process. This probably means you need to schedule time in your calendar to spend together. Spend this time just the two of you, without kids, family or friends. Don’t talk about your kids or work during this time.

In prior columns, I have mentioned books that have discussion topics in them. You can also look at my reading list on my website. I recently came across another good tool for prompting conversation: DIY HUMAN Deck. These are a Narrative “approach to building meaningful human connections by aiding individuals to reframe how they see themselves and others through the process of sharing stories.” I’ve really enjoyed how deep conversation goes, and how quickly.

I would recommend that you spend time in DIY marriage counseling weekly. After all, your relationship needs to be your top priority. It will help you not only inter-personally, but in all of your relations – kids, work, family and friends. Read through CouplesNet columns and use them for a springboard of conversation.

I wish you a lifetime of love, conversation, connection, and being each other’s go-to person.


Democracy.
What is it worth to you?

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