Premarital and Couples: "Now I Trust in the System" | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Premarital and Couples: "Now I Trust in the System"

Uploaded: Feb 5, 2021
While maintaining confidentiality, I wanted to share this quote I heard in my office a while back.

I've been training another therapist in Couples Counseling, and after a session she said to me, "You trust in the process."

I do. I trust the process, I trust myself, and I trust you to do the work and experiments, to practice, and to rewire your brain for a happy, healthy marriage.

It's really cool; marriage counseling works.

Every day, I am filled with gratitude for my clients, for seeing your vulnerability, desire, and willingness to grow into your authentic self. If you are to believe that your partner truly loves YOU, then YOU have to show up to be loved.

I asked my couple "What do you mean by the system?"

"Self-love, forgiveness, mindfulness, authenticity, gratitude," said one.

"Slowing down, not reacting, looking at my own issues. Paying attention to my intention: If my goal is to be connected and kind, how do I choose to behave?" said the other.

I couldn't say it better myself.

Please remember that poor interactions are a primal cry for connection. You can learn how to create connection in healthy ways. Learn the tools (system) that will last you for a lifetime.

Start by reading "We Do" by Stan Tatkin.

Stay well, Readers.
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