By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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. . . It's really scary, taking a look at yourself."
A man said this to me yesterday while asking for my help. It is scary, it does take balls (or the female equivalent), it is hard work, it is exhausting, it does mean facing the parts of yourself that you wish would just go away and stop impacting your life today.
The things you least want to look at are often the ones in the way. But it can be less obvious issues that challenge you: e.g., being scared wasn't allowed in your family growing up, and your partner, an only child, is recently an adult orphan (both parents died), and she's scared, often. Now what?
Usually people come to therapy when the pain of the situation is worse than the fear of change.
The great news is that you can change, your brain can create new neural pathways; in other words you can get out of the rut. Would you like to flourish? What can you imagine? What do you hope for?
Do you have the guts?