Couples: Mr. & Ms. Fix It | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Couples: Mr. & Ms. Fix It

Uploaded: Nov 23, 2018
Do you ever get into difficulty with your partner because:

You want to fix it and can't?
You don't know how to fix it, so you'd rather not talk about it?
You're busy trying to figure out how to fix it and not listening well?
You think you know just how to fix it but your partner isn't listening/receptive/letting you?

I hope you're laughing by now, because these responses are so human! We've all been there.

Fortunately, I have a simple "fix" to offer. You don't have to fix anything. Nearly all the time, your partner doesn't need or want you to fix; they want you to listen and care about his/her feelings, the situation, and generally just be emotionally present.

You can ask questions and be curious and interested. You can even ask what your partner needs right now. We've all been reminded that we have two ears and one mouth, and to use them in those proportions.

Many clients report that not having to fix something for their partner is a huge relief, and removes a lot of pressure. Give it a shot, see how it goes.
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