The Science of Passionate Sex | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

The Science of Passionate Sex

Uploaded: Aug 4, 2017
There’s a very interesting article that came out recently in Scientific American called The Science of Passionate Sex

The obsession of sex in our culture (which is also often a taboo to discuss in a couple context), through articles, shows, magazines and books about better orgasms, performance, harder erections, hot sex, etc. is leading you in the wrong direction to have a sexually gratifying life with your beloved.

In a nutshell, the research results showed that ‘harmonious sexual passion’ defined as “passion for sex that is well integrated and in harmony with other aspects of the self . . . frees one up to fully engage and enjoy sexual activity in an open, spontaneous, and nondefensive manner.”

This is in contrast to ‘obsessive sexual passion’, which is generally about sexual release rather than connection. “Their sexual desires remain detached from other areas of their self as well as other domains in life. This leads to more narrow goals, such as immediate sexual gratification (e.g., orgasm), and leads to more of an urgent feeling of sex as a goal, compelling us to perform, instead of us being in control of our sexuality.”

I urge you to read the article and think about your own sex life; how is it now? How do you want it to be? Talk to each other about it, and even though it may be vulnerable to do so. Tell your partner your hopes and dreams for your sex life, and how that integrates into your life overall. Use specific words, rather than beating around the bush.

When you’re the listener, hold your beloved’s words and needs as gently as though they are birds eggs, fragile and full of life.

Democracy.
What is it worth to you?

Comments

Posted by Anna Sanders, a resident of Duveneck School,
on Oct 20, 2017 at 8:00 pm

Anna Sanders is a registered user.

My dear friend from www.elkhartphotobooth.com asked me to go dine there and was pleased by the food especially that chicken salad thing. Till next time.


Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from Palo Alto Online sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

Analysis/paralysis: The infamous ‘Palo Alto Process’ must go
By Diana Diamond | 1 comment | 1,444 views

The Time and Cost Savings of Avoiding a Long Commute
By Steve Levy | 5 comments | 1,210 views

Common Ground
By Sherry Listgarten | 1 comment | 1,173 views

Planting a Fall Garden?
By Laura Stec | 2 comments | 455 views

 

Sign-up now for 5K Run/Walk, 10k Run, Half Marathon

The 39th annual Moonlight Run and Walk is Friday evening, September 29. Join us under the light of the full Harvest Moon on a 5K walk, 5K run, 10K run or half marathon. Complete your race in person or virtually. Proceeds from the race go to the Palo Alto Weekly Holiday Fund, benefiting local nonprofits that serve families and children in Santa Clara and San Mateo Counties.

REGISTER