By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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I've noticed the trend of more women having affairs, and have been wondering about whether others had also noticed it, and what the reasons may be.
I had a look around at the research and found a Bloomberg article
from July 2013 that reported research from the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey which shows the percentage of wives cheating has increased 40% over the last two decades to 14.7%.
The article also pointed out that based on the people signed up on the Ashley Madison website for married people to find someone to have sex with, women in their 40s are one in three with men on the site, and women in their 30s are about equal.
Women's Sex Drive
Daniel Bergner, author of “What Do Women Want?” stated in the Bloomberg article that "An increasing body of science suggests that women’s sex drives are as powerful as men’s libidos, though they’ve been repressed by thousands of years of male-dominated culture." Bergner goes on to say, "Once you strip away the stigma from the equation, interest in casual sex is about equal for women and men,” he said. “So we men may have a lot to worry about
Many ideas were proposed as to the possible reasons why more women are cheating: economic, better mate, etc.
Yet I think about the culture of Silicon Valley, the pressure, the amount of time people spend working. I think about the varied reasons people have affairs, from wanting to blow up the marriage to wanting to save the marriage, and everything in between. I think about the Marriage Interview "He Works 24 Hours a Day." I wonder if sex is good, healthy, fun, playful, assertive, exploratory, fantasy-filled, or if it's boring? I wonder if your kids are in your bed, either literally or figuratively?
Men still cheat more than women, percentage-wise. But that gap is closing.
If you want a happy, monogamous marriage, then get to work (and fun).