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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Marriage Interview: Keep a Sense of Humor

Uploaded: Feb 11, 2015
I am working on a series of marriage interviews to share with you. They are anonymous so that these generous people will share a bit of their personal lives with Couple's Net.

If you'd like to be interviewed, email me (canderson@connect2.us.com), and I'll be in touch.

Here's the first interview:

This woman has been married 15 years, and had two previous marriages of 10+ years.
She met her husband 20 years ago at a New Year's party. Her dear friends were neighbors of his, and she went along with them to the party, where she met her future husband.

They began dating eight months later, and married about four years after that.

One of her biggest problems with the marriage was deciding whether to marry. She was reluctant since she would have to give up the house she owned and move across the Bay, away from her community, colleagues and friends. He agreed to re-do the inside of his house to suit her. So she decided to marry him.

As I've written here on Couple's Net, women don't want their husband to fix things; women want their husband to listen and be a good sounding board.

This couple ran into this very issue. One time her husband got frustrated because he couldn't help her solve a problem and so he told her, "We can't talk about this anymore." She was in a rage then.

After 24 hours, he came back, and said he had realized that he'd over-reacted, and they could talk about it. He was able then to listen without trying to fix it. She also realized that maybe she would not burden him quite so much with her issues.

This wife's tips for couples are:
1. Keep a sense of humor
2. Don't fight when you're angry; calm down first
3. Marry somebody mature
4. Have lots in common; do a lot together

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