By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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"We limit ourselves every day without even knowing it, simply by doing what we always do, falling into patterns, not pushing ourselves further. But every one of you has expressive reserves you've not yet discovered . . . tap into them, and go further, and give more than you ever have before . . ."
This quote is from the novel 'Sight Reading' by Daphne Kalotay; a master violinist talking to his students who are already at the top of their respective classes and had to audition to be trained by him.
Apply this same quote to your marriage or relationship. For now, don't worry about how or why you've fallen into patterns, just reach inside and tap your reserves and give more than you ever have before.
This could be as simple as greeting her at the door when she gets home from work; looking him in the eye; saying, "Hey, I'm glad you're here, how was your day?" It could be making her favorite dinner. Giving him a neck rub. Leaving off the TV for an hour. Or saying, "I know you want to watch that playoff game tonight, enjoy it, I'm going to read a novel right next to you." Going for a walk and holding hands.
I know I keep writing things that sound simple ? they are. They're just not always easy.
What do you think of this idea of giving more?