"Everything has a Crack. That's How the Light Gets In." Leonard Cohen | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

"Everything has a Crack. That's How the Light Gets In." Leonard Cohen

Uploaded: Apr 8, 2014
Our marriage is not perfect; our partner can not fulfill all of our needs (yet may fill many); our children are not the reflected best aspects of ourselves -- and neither should they be.

The goal is for "Good Enough," and I mean that in a psychological sense, not in a tepid, adequate, "Oh, who cares anyway!"

Gottman, who runs the Love Lab in Seattle and has written a bunch of books about couples and parenting, finds in his extensive research that we need a ratio of 5:1 of good to poor interactions to have a happy and sustainable marriage. That means that we are kind and treat our partner well five times for every one time we blow it; when we say or do an interaction poorly (however, this is not free rein to be an asshole one out of five times).

While we relish good times, and peak experiences may be good for our soul, intimacy is often built from difficulties that we have gotten through together. Weight lifting or exercise might not always be fun or feel good at the time, yet it does build muscle and strength.

Intimacy is built over time, through fun, through a sexual relationship, and through handling challenges well together. So while no one wants cracks, we do want intimacy. So let in the light, together.
Community.
What is it worth to you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from Palo Alto Online sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

E-Bikes on Open Space Trails: Yes or No?
By Sherry Listgarten | 18 comments | 5,399 views

Mountain View's Castro Street opens up for an eat-and-greet to rally support for businesses
By The Peninsula Foodist | 0 comments | 2,259 views

The questionable morality of abortion
By Diana Diamond | 7 comments | 2,028 views

Idaho Hot Springs and Yellowstone – Travelin’ Solo
By Laura Stec | 0 comments | 1,194 views

Fidelity, Infidelity, Loyalty, Luck
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 912 views

 

Register today to support local nonprofits

The 38th annual Moonlight Run and Walk is Friday evening, September 9. Proceeds go to the Palo Alto Weekly Holiday Fund, benefiting local nonprofits that serve families and children in Santa Clara and San Mateo Counties. Join us under the light of the full Harvest Moon on a 5K walk, 5K run, 10K run or half marathon. Complete your race in person or virtually to support local nonprofits.

Register Now!