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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Choose Your Beloved Daily

Uploaded: Dec 2, 2015
A colleague sent me an article about a man who chose his partner less and less each day for five years. They were both miserable in their “immature love.”

As I've written in many of my columns, you need to choose your partner every day. And when you find yourself choosing less, make a conscious effort again to choose each other.

How come people to used to choose one another, and then reduced their choosing? There could be many reasons:
- Getting out of the habit as day-to-day life and all the responsibilities that go with it increase
- Each person facing their own issues that show up in a committed partnership, and noticing the issues that their partner has
- Fear of deep intimacy (I don't mean sex); being truly known and seen with all your good, medium and poor traits
- You don't actually want to take on adult responsibility (vs. wanting to continue doing what you want, when you want, with whomever you want)
- The hormones of lust and early love have faded
- You start to think there might be a better fit for you. We usually choose a person that helps us grow, even though that can be difficult at times.

Not choosing your partner every day can be harmful to your emotional health, as well as to your partner’s.

Turn Things Around
- Tell your partner, “I choose you.”
- Say what you love and admire about your beloved

This increases your happiness and contentment for yourself and each other.

If you have kids you'll be setting an amazing example for them of mature, committed love. This will set them up for their lifetime.

If you're way off track, don't wait in long getting help. While many people wait through six years of difficulty before seeking help, what might it be like if you only waited six months?

Release or Work on It?
As Bryan Reeves wrote, he finally released his relationship so she could be in a relationship where she could get the love she deserved.

Sometimes that’s the healthy thing to do. How do you know when you reach that point?
Most people want to try everything before they choose to go.

For Today
For today, remember the minute details of your initial love for your partner: what drew you to your beloved in the first place? Start there. Choose today. Show your love, speak your love, touch your love.

Comments

 +   7 people like this
Posted by sEaN, a resident of Sylvan Park,
on Dec 7, 2015 at 3:16 pm

sEaN is a registered user.

What are you talking about? I think you and your other don't live in reality, I'm guessing you have a routine every day, every day! Why don't you try something new? Instead of bedtime at 9:30 and missionary sex.


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