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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Give Way or Have it Your Way?

Uploaded: Jul 13, 2015
What does Give Way mean in a relationship context?

I'm thinking this morning of active yielding vs. passive yielding. Passive giving way may be a path of not dealing with an issue. Active giving way can be a healthy choice for a marriage. Some of the time.

Taking turns as to who gives way, when, and how those decisions are made, are what is important. Knowing what we can and cannot give way on.

Being passive can be infuriating for your partner as it can lack interaction, and requires one to try to get the other to share. On the other hand, being passive can be a response to an often angry spouse to avoid conflict or confrontation. So please think about whether either of these situations feels true for your relationship.

Then there's passive-aggressive, which is the opposite of facing things directly, with integrity. The Oxford Dictionary defines passive-aggressive as of or denoting a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.

Some people want things to be their way. This may include decision-making, being right, and so on.

How do you actively give way? Passively give way? Passive-aggressively give way? Want it your way? What works, and what doesn't work about each of those methods?






Comments

 +  Like this comment
Posted by good subject, a resident of Charleston Meadows,
on Jul 20, 2015 at 12:43 pm

This is an important subject. Thanks for writing about it. Would be interested in more, including examples.


 +  Like this comment
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jul 21, 2015 at 11:49 am

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Thanks, Good Subject. Perhaps a whole new post . . . I'll work on it.


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