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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Constitution Guarantees Nationwide Right to Same-Sex Marriage

Uploaded: Jun 26, 2015
"In a long-sought victory for the gay rights movement, the Supreme Court ruled on Friday that the Constitution guarantees a nationwide right to same-sex marriage . . . The decision, the culmination of decades of litigation and activism, came against the backdrop of fast-moving changes in public opinion, with polls indicating that most Americans now approve of same-sex marriage." NY Times, June 26, 2015.

Congratulations to all those couples and families who may now legalize what has been denied them, and to all those who worked for this historic outcome.

It is Pride weekend in San Francisco, and I imagine the celebrations will be in full swing.

Having worked within my own professional organization to this end, I have a small taste of what goes into a change such as this.

The next challenge is to make so-called "Conversion Therapy" illegal. In New Jersey in February, it was ruled as fraud: "So-called "conversion therapy" groups may not represent "homosexuality" as a disorder. Superior Court Judge Peter F. Barsio Jr. ruled that promoting someone's sexual orientation as an ailment that needs to be cured violates the state's consumer protection laws," writes Halley Miller of the Human Rights Campaign.

Homosexuality as a disorder was taken out of the DSM (Diagnostics and Statistics Manual) is the early 1970's.

Couples of any gender makeup are welcome at Connect2 Marriage Counseling.

Again, congratulations on this historic day!

Comments

 +   11 people like this
Posted by Sam, a resident of Midtown,
on Jun 26, 2015 at 4:11 pm

I am the child of two lesbians. I celebrate their recent marriage, but I cannot stand idly by and pretend that having gay parents is not damaging to children, especially boys, like myself. I never had a father, and that is grossly unfair. I found myself always trying to figure out a way that I could spend time with my friends who did have a father. My two mothers tried to bring male influence into our home, among their male homosexual friends. NO! These homosexuals usually tried to recruit me to their ways (and to their beds). I needed a straight FATHER. I love my moms, but they were selfish. Gay people should not have children, IMO (at least not boys).


 +   13 people like this
Posted by What a crock, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Jun 27, 2015 at 8:39 pm

What [comment deleted] phony comment by " Sam". The so called son of two lesbians repeats the centuries old phony claim that homosexual men tried to sexually abuse him and convert him to homosexuality!!! Also including the bogus claim that having gay parents is damaging to children!!!! The poster tries to make his vile comments palatable by claiming to be the son of two gay women!!! [comment deleted] I doubt that Sam exists. I doubt that Sam had two gay parents and I doubt that gay men tried to sexually abuse Sam. [comment deleted]


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by Sam, a resident of Midtown,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 6:36 am

[comment deleted]


 +   9 people like this
Posted by Menlo Voter, a resident of Menlo Park: other,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 7:43 am

Menlo Voter is a registered user.

Sam:

someone that tries to have sex with a juvenile is not gay, they're a pedophile. The two are NOT the same.


 +   7 people like this
Posted by Laura Stec, a resident of Portola Valley: Westridge,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 7:54 am

Sam sounds like a phony.


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by Bunyip, a resident of Adobe-Meadow,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 8:12 am

Quick to judge. Is it not plausible that Sam describes experiences he has had. Why are those claiming to be most progressive so quick [comment deleted] to shut down those who don't agree with their views? The truth is that not everyone needs to like the gay concept. I personally don't care and have a tonne of gay friends, but people are allowed to dislike the gay movement if they want to. People who don't understand it are disgusted by it, so be it. But tolerance goes both ways, don't forget that. [comment deleted]

And for the record, I agree with Sam in a way. Two mothers or two fathers can't substitute for the socialization a mother and a father provides. The different comfort levels, the communication, the strengths of one verse the other. You need both. Saying that, it is also fair to say that two women or two men parenting is a hell of a lot better than a single parent family, or an abusive family, or some other form of suboptimal family units that are out there. The social experiment effects of this decision can be reassessed 20 years from now.


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by Sam, a resident of Midtown,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 11:29 am

[comment deleted]


 +   2 people like this
Posted by Uh, no, a resident of another community,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 11:54 am

Sorry "Sam," but you're not convincing here. We have a LOT of reasons to believe you are a fake.

[comment deleted]


 +  Like this comment
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 12:41 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Sam, I am sorry you had to go though that. You are not alone in being abused as a child.

Many children, in many homes, by mostly straight people (as that is the majority of the population), are unfortunately abused.

"The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services? Children?s Bureau report Child Maltreatment 2010 found that 9.2% of victimized children were sexually assaulted (page 24).

Studies by David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, show that:

?1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
?Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;
?During a one-year period in the U.S., 16% of youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
?Over the course of their lifetime, 28% of U.S. youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
?Children are most vulnerable to CSA between the ages of 7 and 13.

Children who do not live with both parents as well as children living in homes marked by parental discord, divorce, or domestic violence, have a higher risk of being sexually abused (page 171)." - Source: Victims of Crime.

All of these children, and as they grow up, adults, need support.

I did not see any statistics that are related to whether the family is gay, lesbian or straight.

Sam, I hope you will (or have) seek therapy for your traumatic experience.


 +   5 people like this
Posted by What a crock, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 1:49 pm

Well, first of all, to show that " Sam" is a phony, just use the search function on this forum to look at discussions about pedophilia/ Catholic Church. Then look for,postings by a person names " Sharon from midtown". You will note the exact same comments regarding pedophiles and how the Catholic Church issue is about homosexuality and statutory rape. Looks like Sharon is back. [comment deleted]

[comment deleted]


 +   2 people like this
Posted by Bunyip, a resident of Adobe-Meadow,
on Jun 28, 2015 at 1:52 pm

@uh, no. To think that saying two parents are better than one is maligning all single parents. [comment deleted]


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by Uh, no, a resident of another community,
on Jun 29, 2015 at 9:22 am

comment deleted


 +   4 people like this
Posted by Sam, a resident of Midtown,
on Jun 29, 2015 at 10:11 am

Chandrama, Although, as a teenager, I faced quite a bit of gay male unwanted attention, that is not my main issue. I needed a FATHER! I never had one, and it leaves a hole in my heart.

I am not anti-gay. I am simply opposed to gay couples raising children, especially boys. [comment deleted] The feelings of children matter, too.

[comment deleted]


 +  Like this comment
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jun 29, 2015 at 1:56 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Sam, I suggest you seek counseling to heal the hole in your heart. Unfortunately many children grow up in dysfunctional families, whether they are straight, gay, or lesbian. And adults who grew up in dysfunctional families may receive quite a lot of help from counseling.


 +   3 people like this
Posted by What a crock, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Jun 29, 2015 at 3:09 pm

Sam/Sharon-- and yet again you make the vile comment blaming the incidents of pedophilia in the Catholic Church as being due to homosexuality. Homosexuals are not pedophiles. That claim has been used by homophobes and haters all over.
The issue withnthencatholic church was pedopholia and the lack of response to,it by the church.
[comment deleted]


 +   3 people like this
Posted by Sam, a resident of Midtown,
on Jun 29, 2015 at 3:24 pm

"Homosexuals are not pedophiles."

In general, I agree with you, although a small number of homosexuals and heterosexuals are pedophiles. The main issue with the Catholic church is homosexual statutory rape, NOT pedophilia. [comment deleted]

I have lived through a lot of this stuff, but my greatest pain was in not having a father. [In my opinion]gay people should not be raising children, because the kids will suffer.


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by What a crock, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Jun 29, 2015 at 4:47 pm

For,your reading pleasure Sam/Sharon:

Web Link

Dos it matter how,old the victims were? They were victimized, raped and abused by pedophile catholic priests. These priests were protected by higher-ups in the clergy.
[comment deleted]


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jun 29, 2015 at 4:50 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

It is not for me to judge whether Sam's story is true, but as a therapist I have to listen to what people tell me, and go from there. Sam, I do not agree that homosexuals should not be parents, and I hear that is what you believe. So we will have a difference of opinion on that, and neither of us will change the others' mind on this blog. The research shows that homosexuals make excellent parents. I see plenty of people who are terrible parents, but again, not based on their sexuality. I would hope that everyone on this thread share their thoughts/feelings without attacking others. Please, do not write bad things about homosexuals. It is not tolerated anymore than writing bad things about people with any type of difference.


 +  Like this comment
Posted by RW, a resident of another community,
on Jun 30, 2015 at 8:27 am

Sam,
I personally believe that almost nobody makes it through childhood unscathed. We all have our childhood burdens. As an adult, it's time to deal with your childhood. Your parents did the best they could.


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by uncle, a resident of Menlo Park: Downtown,
on Jun 30, 2015 at 1:49 pm

NO THE CONSTITUTION DOES NOT WARRANT GAY MARRIAGE. 5 political judges did. READ THE CONSTITUTION.


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by father, a resident of Menlo Park: Felton Gables,
on Jun 30, 2015 at 1:51 pm

i believe strongly that a very wrong decision was delivered a couple of days ago. i believe very strongly that the US is going to be paying big time for this wrong decision. [comment deleted]


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by very concerned, a resident of Atherton: Lindenwood,
on Jun 30, 2015 at 1:56 pm

i am just curious--why is it called pride--when it is going against the natural order? i am just curious. [comment deleted] pride is when we are proud of our hard work and accomplishments. [comment deleted]


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by very concerned, a resident of Atherton: Lindenwood,
on Jun 30, 2015 at 2:00 pm

speaking of a slightly different subject but along the same mind-set. why don't ALL LIVES MATTER? am i wrong in assuming that just a portion of the countries lives matter. i seem to see that everywhere i go. the banner should read ALL LIVES MATTER. what about all the senseless killing in the middle east and surrounding areas. Don't they matter? no one gets in a huff about thousands of people being killed every day over seas. ALL LIVES MATTER. it is time that we all do something to stop this senseless killing [comment deleted].


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by Ben Bozkurt, a resident of The Crossings,
on Jun 30, 2015 at 5:30 pm

[comment deleted]

Tolerance works both ways? Not in twenty-first century America! America?s motto is no longer ?In God we Trust?, our new motto is ?My Way or the Highway!? In America today you either adopt the full radical social agenda, or you get rat-packed every time you open your mouth.

[comment deleted]


 +   3 people like this
Posted by What a crock, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Jun 30, 2015 at 5:53 pm

"Fascinating, is it not? The explosion that happens when someone like "Sam" expresses less than full enthusiasm for the homosexual agenda [comment deleted]What, exactly, Ben, is the " homosexual agenda"?
What is and others object to is using an old and vile comment which somehow links pedophilia to homosexuality. Will not get into his attempts to defend the Catholic Church.


 +  Like this comment
Posted by Ben Bozkurt, a resident of The Crossings,
on Jun 30, 2015 at 11:20 pm


[comment deleted]

In any case, thank you for your very able assistance in making my point [that differing views are not welcome.].


 +   2 people like this
Posted by Menlo Voter, a resident of Menlo Park: other,
on Jul 1, 2015 at 8:14 am

very:

who's "natural order" is against? God's? You know not everyone believes in god, right? You know some religions don't have an issue with gays, right?

Our country is about protection of minorities from the tyranny of the majority.


 +   2 people like this
Posted by Menlo Voter, a resident of Menlo Park: other,
on Jul 1, 2015 at 8:15 am

Ben:

exactly what is the "gay agenda?" Equal rights under the law? [comment deleted].


 +  Like this comment
Posted by father, a resident of Crescent Park,
on Jul 1, 2015 at 11:15 am

common sense should play out here. let's see "natural order" a male and a female--a reason for being a male and a female. [comment deleted] whether you believe in God or not--is not the issue. how do you propose to have children if you have go against the natural order? someone somewhere needed a male and a female to produce any off=spring in any kingdom. [comment deleted]


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by RW, a resident of another community,
on Jul 1, 2015 at 12:59 pm

Father,
"Clownfish, wrasses, moray eels, gobies and other fish species are known to change sex, including reproductive functions". Plenty of animals also engage in homosexual behavior. Just because a pairing can't/doesn't produce offspring, doesn't mean it's not natural.
The ability to produce offspring as related to the right to marry doesn't make sense. If one member of a male-female couple is sterile, should they be denied marriage because they can't have children?
[comment deleted]


 +  Like this comment
Posted by father, a resident of Menlo Park: Felton Gables,
on Jul 1, 2015 at 1:26 pm

i didn't say that. i said the natural order is male/ female in all species and kingdoms. [comment deleted]


 +   2 people like this
Posted by RW, a resident of another community,
on Jul 1, 2015 at 1:54 pm

Father,
[comment deleted] You don't think same-sex couples should be given the same rights as opposite-sex couples.


 +  Like this comment
Posted by father, a resident of Community Center,
on Jul 2, 2015 at 11:04 am

RW--- common sense--[comment deleted]. I have already explained what I mean by natural. it has nothing to do with equal rights. [comment deleted]


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jul 2, 2015 at 7:38 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

All, Some of this had gotten off topic, and some comments were not kind to other people posting. So I took a very strong editorial sweep and deleted many comments. I am sure some will find it uneven. I hope from here a kinder tone and staying on topic will result.


 +  Like this comment
Posted by Kazu, a resident of Downtown North,
on Jul 3, 2015 at 7:00 pm

@Chandrama Anderson wrote:

"All, Some of this had gotten off topic, and some comments were not kind to other people posting. So I took a very strong editorial sweep and deleted many comments. I am sure some will find it uneven. I hope from here a kinder tone and staying on topic will result."

Then perhaps you could convince Embarcadero Media / Town Square to require users to register before they can post comments? Allowing unregistered posts is a recipe for disaster, as can be seen both here and elsewhere. Embarcadero usually deletes or censors posts requesting this, but maybe they will listen to you? After all, you are one of the better bloggers here. Otherwise, the comments sections will remain rather nasty battlegrounds, filled with trolling, sock puppets and flame wars. In my humble opinion, your musings and observations deserve much better than that. Just a thought, for what it is worth.


 +  Like this comment
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jul 4, 2015 at 9:49 am

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Thanks, Kazu, I will pass along your recommendation. Happy 4th!


 +  Like this comment
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Aug 2, 2015 at 10:39 am

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.


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