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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Truly Loved

Uploaded: Nov 14, 2014
What would happen if we let ourselves be truly loved? Fully loved?

I believe that many would say they would love to be loved fully or are letting themselves be truly loved.

I wonder if there are pockets of resistance to being truly loved? I am thinking of things like: Can I love back fully? Do I see parts of myself mirrored back that may be scary? How come this person loves me when I know I have issues? What do I do when/if these arise?

What feelings come up when we think of being truly loved? Joy? Fear? Happiness? Pain? Belonging? Trust (can I trust this love, my beloved)?

Do old feelings from childhood sneak up on us? Am I lovable? Am I enough? Am I heard? Am I valuable? Am I understood? Am I seen?

Do feelings and memories from our first love come back? What was your first love relationship like? What went well? What didn't? What about subsequent relationships?

Most of us have baggage. It's how we carry it and what we do with it that makes all the difference. Is it a battered old suitcase or backpack that covers our heart? Is it hidden in our body somewhere, so that when we are touched in mind, body, or spirit, we react? Is it hidden in a closet, and comes out at unexpected times?

I just read the idea in a novel that our heart can break from love, from new experiences, from beauty, and there is a jewel in there, waiting to shine.

We can be truly loved. And at some point, we likely have to face our issues of self-love to let the beloved in fully, and love back truly.

I know I have had to do this work to let myself be loved truly by my husband.

Comments

 +  Like this comment
Posted by RW, a resident of another community,
on Nov 18, 2014 at 10:27 am

You wrote "I know I have had to do this work to let myself be loved truly by my husband." I absolutely understand this. But, the other day, I had what I described to myself as an epiphany.

I love my husband, truly love him for all of his flaws and all of his strengths. He tells me how much he loves me and how highly he regards me-but those statements can sometimes be hard to believe. Then I thought to myself, "Maybe the way I feel about him is the same way he feels about me." Imagine all the awe and love I feel for him...he feels for me too. Whoa.


 +  Like this comment
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Nov 18, 2014 at 12:33 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Whoa is right! Smile from me, RW. Exactly. And then perhaps you will learn to love yourself fully, too.


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